I need to play catch up here - here is the rundown on my roller coaster:
Find out that yes indeed, condoms can break/malfunction. Low and behold we are pregnant with baby #3.
Freak out about current and future cost of 3 children, ability to cope with 3 children, the prospect of trying to have a VBAC in the crazy state of Florida.
Freak out because I was on crazy stomach drugs at time of conception.
Be tired miserable and crabby.
Crave things like powdered Ranch dip and sour cream, or eat a whole cantaloupe in one sitting. Oh and don't forget that crazy green olive and cream cheese concoction.
Start thinking of names.
Start thinking about cute baby clothes.
Start thinking about baby smell.
Start thinking about another sweet nursling.
Start thinking how much I love my kids and that another one is truly a blessing.
Stop craving weird food. Stop falling asleep at 8 pm.
Don't gain any weight. I gained over 40lbs with my other 2 babies, at least 10 in the first trimester.
Start spotting. Or rather brown streaking.
Start crying. Call your husband at work and cry. Leave your best friend an incoherent voice mail message.
Then call the doctor and sit in a waiting room for 45 minutes wondering what the hell.
One exam later I am none the wiser really, except I know that, yes, there is blood around my cervix, not a lot, but some. My uterus is tucked behind my stomach and the OB tells me she thinks it will be virtually impossible to hear a heartbeat b/c I am only 10 weeks and because the position of my uterus. It was this way with my other babies and my placentas have always been anterior, heartbeats are not easy to hear for my babies. So I am trying to stay rational, because, no, we did not hear a heartbeat. And because of my freakass miserable insurance, it does not cover office ultrasounds so I am going to the imaging center tomorrow at 8:15 for an ultrasound. Then I will know. So I wait. And I obsess.
I took a pregnancy test and it is still positive. So that should be good right? Until I go and read about the freaky molar pregnancies. I need to step away from the internet.
If you looked over in the other lane at the car next to you and saw the driver was a woman. With a lumpy bosom. With two colors of fabric. Then you saw the plastic ring. She is wearing a sling. It's lumpy because there is A BABY in it. She is driving, with a baby in a sling. I did not see if she had a seatbelt on and I think that might even make it worse if she did.
The woman made eye contact with me and took in my dropped jaw. She slowed to an absolute crawl so I could not get back next to her or behind her to get her license plate number. But there was roadwork ahead and two cop cars and we slowed down and merged into one lane. I pulled over and yelled to the cop that there is a woman back there driving a van holding a baby. He gets out of the car and I see him approach, but then wave her on. Because, I can only assume, he does not see the baby, just a lumpy, fabricy bosom. I am sad, I tried, what more could I do. Maybe I was wrong. Always a possibility, like maybe she had a kitten in that sling for Pete's sake. Florida is the home of the strange and bizarre afterall. Poor baby :(
When this is raging 500 yards from your house?
Obviously, I am very bummed. I have lost my Tuesday and Wednesday night eye candy. Bigger than that, I think Chris got a raw deal. I'm not a Katharine fan by any means, but I just don't understand how she can consistently be a bit shreiky and manic (to quote Simon) and still be there! Then again, as much as I love Chris, perhaps he was too consistent. But his performances of Renegade and Walk the Line still make me melt :)
I'll be waiting for his first album, not so patiently.