Who I Am

Lisa - A SAHM with not enough time and too many things to do, take care of, love, enjoy, yell at and snuggle. At least that is how it feels on any given day.

Who I Give My Time To

M - my uber-supportive husband

A - my sensitive 4 year old son

O - my charming 2 year old son

Why I Blog

"I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up."
— Pearl S. Buck

My Life Right Now

"“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill

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Monday, May 24, 2004

This Could be It

Thinking this is it. Painful cramps, well contractions really as the pain has moved to my back as well as my bely. 6-7 minutes apart, 40 seconds. It's probably it. Bags are packed, friends and doula are called, plans are being made. We may have a baby by tonight! Ack!

Sunday, May 23, 2004

More Pregnant Ramblings

Were I not pregnant I probably would have overdosed on Aleve by now. These cramps are insane. And so much worse at night, which combined with having to pee 6 times a night, makes for one miserable sleep experience. If you could call it sleep.

And they are just cramps, not a contraction in sight. Part of me is a bit worried I won't recognize that I am in labor. Stupid for a second-time mom, but I still worry. Waiting for that familiar vise sensation I had with Alec. Part of me wonders if I missed it somehow, labor passed me by and I missed the opportunity to birth this child and he is just going to grow and grow and grow inside me forever and ever. Obviously I am losing my mind!

So I am hopeful these cramps are working some magic and I am dialating more and more, which will hopefully make labor nice and short. And easy. Well if not easy, just that this baby will actually come out. And be healthy. Hopefully not too much to ask.

I just feel sort of stupid. I was convinced that the June 2nd date was wrong. That this was a late May baby who would of course come early like his big brother. Well, not so. It's looking like June 2nd may be a good due date after all. Full moon June 3rd. I sure hope baby is not waiting for that!

Friday, May 21, 2004

Some Good News

One door closes and another opens. Well, in this case, two doors. So much for the Boston job, but we found out last night that the CA job will make a formal offer next week and then M got a call for an offer for a temporary but very cool and very good experience job in OH. The CA job is a huge, well-established, multi-national company. The OH job is a start-up, high risk even with the possibility of it going full-time. So much to think about here.

M really needed that self-esteem boost so I am so so happy that some offers finally came in. Job hunting is so hard and mentally taxing. It's so like dating, you dress yourself up, put on your best face and hope the other person likes you enough to return your calls. *shudder*

And we are each vested differently in his job search - obviously he wants a job he likes, finds interesting, will support his family and his sports car habit. I want one he likes, located near my family and in a location with a reasonable cost of living so I can stay home with the kids a few more years. We'll see what the offer from CA is, I'm just really afraid of the high cost of living there. We lived in Boston for 10 years so are used to crazy real estate prices and all that, but it's been such a nice break from it all here in BFE. It'll be hard to go back to that, plus the traffic and the congestion and the road rage and.... But at least it will be warm and we'll be right by the ocean. And M is trying to sell me on the fact that we are 6 hours closer to Hawaii where we own a timeshare. So there are benefits. But still much to be discussed.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Moving Right Along....

Or at least I hope so. As of this morning I am 3 cm dialated though the baby is still high. Had some terrible cramping this afternoon and thought it might be the beginning of something but doesn't seem that way yet. I think we will be taking a long walk tomorrow and eating some spicy food. If I get desperate we'll try sex, but I am so ungainly with the huge belly I really can't imagine how we'll figure that one out! But I would seriously love to have the baby this weekend and Saturday is preferable, it's an even day (I am odd like that), M and I have a date night planned tomorrow night and my mom has the whole weekend off. Yes, Saturday would be perfect. Hear that baby boy?

Oh and the baby has a name. Finally! We were still fighting over it and a box arrived with some stuff I ordered for the baby and A told us, "Is not for me, is for baby XXXX" and he has been calling him that ever since. So yes, I'm withholding the name for now but I think most of you know what it is anyway :)

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Still Hunting

Rejection should not come by phone, it should come in the mail. That is the civilized way to do things. We all know what a thin envelope means. But the phone ringing, hearing who it is on the other end, all adds to the build up, the anticipation that this must be it! It must, it really just must. But no, they call you to tell you how wonderful you are, how they just loved you, but unfortunately you just don't have enough experience. Talk about a burst bubble. Yes it's nice they call, more personal and all that, but it seems to make it worse at least for me.

Let's just say today has not been an easy day. M did not get the job in Boston, 3 interviews and a reference check later - all that build up we really thought it could happen. But no. So here we are, back at square one. Baby due in the next few days, no job, no plan. I just don't get it. We're good people, we work hard, M has definitely busted his butt job hunting these last few months. Just.so.frustrating.

We are still waiting to hear from one job out in CA and have a possibility in FL as well, but I'm a born and bred east coaster and moving to either place will be hard. FL not as much, but CA seems like the other end of the world. We'll see. I just hope everything is going to work out how it was meant to and there is a reason for all this mental anguish.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

My Baby A

As the arrival of the new baby gets closer and closer, I am getting more and more freaked out about leaving A. I have no worries about the friends watching him while I'm at the hospital, it's more that our whole life is about to change in some ways I think more so than with the arrival of A. It's not just going to be me and A anymore, his whole little world is about to be rocked and he just is so oblivious. Of course he knows about "baby brother" in theory but the reality will be so different.

I don't even know what I am trying to say. I just want to snuggle my dear little boy and he is making that much easier these days by being so overwhelmingly affectionate. I guess what I feel is something like nostalgia, maybe a little fear about all the change to come.

Hopefully the Last One

Belly comment that is. Yesterday I was at a large, crowded event and had told a friend where I'd be so we could meet. She came through the crowd saying "Lisa, there you are! Not like I could miss you anyway...."

With friends like these.... Just kidding she is terribly sweet, the comments just crack me up lately. Most people have been pretty tactful though and just ask when I am due and I just answer "very soon!" Ack, I really am due very very soon!

Saturday, May 15, 2004

My Guilty Pleasure

I love garage sales - rummage sales, tag sales, yard sales - whatever you call them, I love them. The season is off to a late start in my area but today it was garage sale heaven. The people were out in droves which of course adds a bit of competition to the hunt - who will get the best deal? There were a ton of great listings in the paper today but unfortunately I could only hit two local ones because I was actually selling my own crap at a university community sale at noon.

The first one was packed, but nothing too exciting. A Little Tikes Kitchen that temporarily appealed but under closer inspection it was in not so great condition for the price. A very nice desk/credenza set, but until we move just no room for any more furniture. So off I went to the local elementary school's sale (appropriately named Trash to Treasures). And what a feast! So much stuff! And good stuff. Really good stuff. I had to restrain myself at times, my inner EBAY self was calling to me to snatch all those Thomas the Tank videos for $1 each and sell them on EBAY for a good profit but the saner side of my 9 month pregnant brain refrained - I just don't need the EBAY hassle right now.

So $20.00 later I have now scored:
- Wiggles Safari Video
- Richard Scarry Video
- There goes a Bulldozer Video
- Two hardback encyclopedia type books one on cars and one on trains
- a Kolcraft Snap-N-Go Stroller
- a vintage Fisher Price Little People Garage
- a Fisher Price kitchen loaded down with play food, plates and cookware
- grab bag of play kitchen stuff
- 4 large dinosuar figurines
- dinosaur hand puppet
- pool floaties
- Scoop and Dizzy
- mini Tonka crane
- bulldozer and digger for the sandbox
- Playskool flashlight

And I got to hunt for all this wonderful stuff without A who was home with M and then out for a coffee and raspberry cheese croissant all by myself. An absolutely blissful morning. And I even managed to make over $100 at my own little sale which was rianed out after about an hour. Given I didn't have too much stuff and I had it marked to sell I was very very pleased.

And now A has been napping for over 2 hours and I made a ton of progress on cleaning out our "room of doom." Will the joy never cease? All in all a very good day.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Enjoy the Silence

A is still asleep, M is on his way home from Boston. It's just me, alone, eating grapefruit, drinking coffee and blogging. And of course this little guy in my belly is keeping me company, but he's the quiet sort. At least for now. Things seem to be happening in his department lately, I've had menstrual-like cramps all week and this morning I seem to be having some spotting (sorry if TMI). So things are probably going to be happening sooner than later in this household. I spotted on and off with A for about a week before active labor started, so while I don't think things are imminent, it has really brought the reality of everything home. I am having a baby. Soon. Mornings of peace and quiet are soon to be a thing of the past. So I am going to take advantage of this and kick back and relax until A thunders into the living room, destroying all semblance of peace and quiet.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Weird Symmetry

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with A, we were living in Boston and M traveled down to our current home where he had an interview for Business School. Now, I am 36 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and M has traveled from here to Boston for a job interview. This must be some sort of karma/fate right? Since the b-school interview went well and he obviously got in, it means the job interview will go well and he'll get the job, right? Right? Please?

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Bad Momdom

I am feeling like a bad mom today. A has a slight temperature and just isn't himself. So all day long we have been in the house where he has been clingy and needy and whiny. And of course has the attention span of a gnat. I want to scream. And then I thought M would be home for dinner and I would be granted some peace and sanity for just a few minutes, maybe even an exciting trip to the grocery store by myself. But no. He's off getting tires put on our car so he can drive it to his interview tomorrow. So I am home seeking sanity at the computer while my son watches an Elmo Christmas video because I.just.couldn't.take.it.anymore.

I live across the street from a daycare and I am staring out the window watching all these moms and dads pick up their kids and I am thinking how happy they must be to see their kids after 8 or more hours apart. And here I am wondering how in the hell am I going to get through the next 3 days alone with this child while M is away. Don't get me wrong, I love A more than anything in the world, but sometimes I have to fight the urge to run fast and far. Or at least into the bedroom and scream into my pillow.

And baby #2 will be here in a few short weeks. What was I thinking?

Monday, May 03, 2004

Sight Unseen

People don't even have to see me to make comments on my belly! Quoted from friends in various emails (note, they live far away and haven't seen me or any pictures of this pregnancy) -

"You are bigger than when you were pregnant with A? Is that even possible?"

"Preggosaurus! You must be huge and ready to pop!"

"Oh my goodness [it's so soon], you must be huge again!"

More Naming Woes

Well we are just about 4 weeks out from my due date and we have narrowed the name field to pretty much two choices. And we are both strongly in opposite camps. M can't figure out why I won't go with his chosen name as I am the one who suggested it in the first place. But I firmly believe the baby's name is the other name. This could get ugly. I am hoping after labor and birth M takes some pity and lets me pick the name. If not, he will be called Baby Boy I am sure.

Honestly, no idea why we are having such naming woes. If I was smart I would just name the kid after one of my heroes - Ben or Jerry.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

Spring Shoe Fever

I have always loved shoes but I think I love them even more right now because they are the only normal thing I can look at for myself these days. The butterfly print wrap around shirt at the Gap that I am coveting just mocks me - will I ever fit into non-maternity clothes again? Yes, I know I will, but right now it seems like such a remote possibility. But shoes, ah shoes. They are very forgiving. Especially sandals, they don't care that my feet are slightly swollen, they just don't have enough material to restrict these hobbit feet of mine.

Last night I escaped solo to TJMaxx to find baby presents for some friends. I spent some delicious time in the shoe aisle trying on sweet little confections of shoes. Strappy, heeled, pink, bejeweled. I have nowhere to wear any of them but it was still fun. I am still seriously coveting this pair though. I fear that the temptation may be too much and I may have to go back and get them....

I don't think this picture does them justice. You have to see them on. So.freaking.cute.

But I was good. I left the store with only two Lamaze mirror toys and 3 Sandra Boynton books. As an aside, if you don't have her book Snuggle Puppy and you are a mom you must go out and buy it. It is so fun to read, A has a great time yelling "OOOOOO I love you!"

Saturday, May 01, 2004

They Just Keep Coming

People are so weird. Well, actually I think they are just rude. Today at a May day celebration at a local park the following conversation ensued:

Strange Woman: "This isn't your first is it?"
Me: "No, that's my first son over there."
Strange Woman: "Is it two?"
Me: "Um, no, just one."
Strange Woman: "You look very...um...healthy."

I was with my friend Linnie who can attest to this conversation. It started out so friendly (we live in a very friendly kind of town) and just turned into something odd. We both walked away with our mouths a bit open and neither had any response to Strange Woman. I mean really, what can you say?

On a positive note I was also told today that I do not look pregnant from behind. That was nice to hear :)

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