Not sure which is sadder - the fact that I spilled a whole cup of Intelligentsia Tres Santos coffee all over the floor of Wal-Mart, or the fact that you couldn't even notice given all the grime on the carpet there. Ick.

So of course I had to haul my butt to Dunkin Donuts and replace the spilled coffee with a DD Latte. These, surprisingly, kick some coffee ass. Much better than a Starbucks Latte and slightly cheaper. And drive-thru. All hail the drive-thru. If you don't have a drive thru and you don't have automatic doors then don't expect a lot of patronage from me.

Ah, Ebay, the love is waning. I've been loving you faithfully for over 6 years now, but I think I am just fed up. And it's not you really, though you are a greedy thing. It's the people. The stupid, stupid, annoying people that make up this great internet. I am a stupid people magnet. I have people leaving me positive feedback with stupid comments in them. I like my feedback pure and untarnished filled with 1000's of exclamation points that I find annoying anywhere else. I have a seller not responding to me about the item I returned to them, but of course they seem incapable of returning my money. I want my $15 dammit. Freakin Canadians. No offense to Canada at large, but shipping there is such a PITA. I don't do it, but stupid me seems to never notice when I am buying from the Canadians.

Currently baby O's room is EBAY central. I have three clothes baskets of misc items to be listed. I think I could seriously make some good money on the spring and summer baby clothes, as well as the odd lots of vintage Little People. But is it worth it? Is it really, really worth it? Taking pictures, listing, organizing, packing, shipping - trip to the Post Office with arm full of boxes and two kids so not fun! I really don't know. But like EBAY, I am a little greedy. I give a lot to the Goodwill but the items I think will sell, well I do like to make a few bucks of mad money. Sigh. EBAY, can't live with you, can't live with out you.

But what else is a girl with silver spoon taste and a nickel plated budget to do? Where else can I find me some cute Coach pink flip flops or a Lilly Pulitzer Diaper bag for over 60% off retail. I have yet to buy/win these items, but I am tempted, oh very tempted.

Scotchguard, while a wonderful thing, does not protect against the evil that is bleach.

Damn, damn, damn.

My oldest friend is pregnant with twins.

My baby is taking his first steps.

My college roomate just got married.

M's grandfather passed away last week.

Birth, love, death. Life stripped down to it's barest elements. Life defined by the large events, when it's really what happens between those moments that makes us who we are, shapes our memories, ourselves.

I don't think we've really processed the death of M's grandfather. It doesn't really seem possible. We are sad, but he was at peace, it was a peaceful and dignified end to 90 wonderful, never to be seen again years. Years spent in the West, on ranches, packing, riding cattle, fishing. There are stories and more stories. But who will tell them to my children? M will try, his mother will try, and I know my boys will eat them up - Great-Grandad Bill the cowboy. Doesn't get much cooler than that. Except if they had gotten to hear those stories first hand. Damn us for not videotaping more.

He was one cool dude.

I need an emotional pick me up. It's almost spring. I have two boys.

I felt the need for pink.

Lifs isn't 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it. Sometimes things happen to you that are so huge you can not even comprehend it. That no matter how hard you react to it, you just can't do anything about it.

One of my dearest, dearest friends has cancer. She is 35 and the mother of two babies ages 1 and 3. The prognosis is good but she has a huge fight ahead of her. Out of the blue, just totally out of the blue. Life can really just sock it to you good. She and her husband were planning a huge trip to the states next month and we had a whole slew of plans, from spa time for just us moms to a big Disney trip for both the families. Now of course the trip is canceled. I pray, and pray it is just postponed.

I'm having a hard time comprehending this, made worse by the fact that they live in Australia and I am so very, very far away and helpless to help even a little by babysitting or making some treats or dinner for them.

I really do believe in the power of prayer, if you do too, please say one for her. This is every mother's worst nightmare, her greatest fear. But L has a personality that fills up a room, that makes you smile, that bonds you to her instantly. She has too much spirit, too much strength not to beat this. She will beat this. She must.

Once again I was stuck behind some idiot on the road and I yelled out to them in vain "Why don't you learn how to drive!?" When an answer came to me from the backseat, "Mom, they just never learn!" Said in an exaggerated exasperated voice that only a 3 year old could master so perfectly.

I guess I yell that a lot.

Love my kid.

This is as close as I can get to a snow day feeling. It is pouring cats and dogs, the sky is dark, it's even cold - 54 degrees today! I am bundled up in my sweats, drinking hot tea, surfing the net while my baby boys are snuggled in their beds sleeping. My beautiful house is quiet and at peace.

Love, love, love this feeling. Now if only my husband was home to snuggle that would make it all complete. But someone needs to work and pay the bills! ;)

Do we ever really grow up? Do we ever really feel like we fit in? It seems making friends, no matter what your age, is tough. I swear that some mornings at Alec's preschool drop off I feel like I am in high school again, and of course shunned by the "popular" kids. I have been around the block long enough to know we don't all have to be friends, we don't all "have to get along" - but some common niceties would be appreicated. Just because we all got knocked up 3-4 years ago doesn't mean we necessarily have anything else in common, but how can we find out if we don't even say hello? I hate feeling invisible.

When I was working my boss used to complain about the women at her son's preschool drop off, how they made her feel small and worthless b/c she was a working mom. Odds are they weren't even projecting this, but my boss' own feelings were coming to light over any perceived snub. And of course I am sure it is the same for me, feeling insecure about moving, still trying to find my niche, I leave the preschool feeling despair about ever finding close friends again.

I am finding my way, oh so slowly. I met a mom with 2 boys very close to my boys age at a park a few months ago. I took the bull by the horns and asked for her number. I called her and we have now had several dates and hopefully another next week. I like her. My neighbors rock, we have 4 young families on two streets (yes, this is actually a lot for Florida) and we all congregate outside every evening while the kids ride bikes around the cul de sac and the moms and sometimes even the dads shoot the shit, gossip, laugh. It is a 21st century Norman Rockwell scene. We are having a neighborhood pizza and movie night on Friday.

I still miss my NY life, my NY friends. But life is going on, I am making my way, And I am sure even the popular kids feel insecure once in awhile. At least, that is what I tell myself.

Sorry for the long absence. I have been busy pondering the mysteries of the universe, solving the great unknowns, etc.

Or at least wondering where this huge kid who just turned 3 came from. Wondering if he ever really was a sweet little newborn, snuggling in my arms, nursing, burping, laughing, crawling, cruising, standing, walking, talking, screaming, jumping, dancing, singing. How did he get so big so fast? Yes, my baby turned 3 last Monday. His 3rd birthday, my 3rd anniversary as a mom. The day my life changed forever. The day I realized everyone has a mother, the day I realized how every mother has a special vulnerabiltity, how the thought of something happeneing to her child makes it almost too hard to breathe.

My baby is 3. We had a construction truck themed party and all wore worker man hats. He was the king of the world. Then we went to Disneyworld for 2 days. Does life get any better for a 3 year old? I think not.

Both my boys are sleeping peacefully now while I contemplate the large week old pile of laundry that I must deal with. See blog, you are not the only neglected one. I am an equal opportunity slacker. I've given you your love, I guess I better go spread the lovin' on the laundry. I'll be back.